Somewhere: It’s the Road to Nowhere—Movie

What was the New York Times thinking/smoking when they declared Somewhere one of 2010’s best?  Did the reviewer actually see this movie? 

Written and directed by Sofia Coppola, Somewhere is 90 minutes plus of pure nothingness. One gets a bad feeling that we’re in for a loooooooooooong movie, regardless of the actual minutes, when we watch Stephen Dorff (Johnny Marco) drive his car around in circles for at least  the movie’s first five minutes. I felt like screaming, “I get it. I get it. Move on.” In fact, there seemed to be no dialogue for the first 15 minutes of the movie. 

Once there is some dialogue we understand that Johnny Marco is a hot Hollywood actor who is successful in his professional life, but is completely bored by his personal life of “sex, drugs and rock roll.” He only seems to spring to life on weekend visits from his 11-year-old daughter Cleo (Elle Fanning). And once she is dumped in his life for unknown personal reasons by her mother for an unspecified period of time, we are left to believe that perhaps his life will eventually be going…somewhere.

Stephen Dorff is fine as the spoiled, bored actor, but he really isn’t called upon to do much. Elle Fanning is actually very good and probably has a great career in front of her as the Fanning sisters take over Hollywood. 

Truth be told, if the writer/director was Sofia Smith rather than Sofia Coppola, Somewhere never would have been made. If  you are a masochist and must see this move, wait for this to come to HBO. Better still, watch Entourage instead.

 ½ nugget out of 4

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